Is Love A Losing Game?

FullSizeRender-1 Amy Winehouse sure thought love was a losing game, as do countless other artists who write and sing about heartbreak and the frustrations that come with it. It’s true. From that perspective, love sucks. It’s the kind of suck that burns and eats away at you until one day you’re either: (a.) over it and don’t think about it ever again, (b.) accept that it’s over but occasionally think “what if, but oh well” (à la Jill Scott’s “Cross My Mind”, another great song), or (c.) never get over it (let’s hope few people land in this category). Either resolution still results in love being a losing game. However, even when you’re in a happy, healthy, committed relationship with someone, it’s still a losing game. Instead of losing the other person, you’re losing your absolute sovereignty.

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Or course heartbreak blows and unrequited love is the worst. After all, who likes it when the object of their affection doesn’t reciprocate the affection? Perhaps some masochist out there does, but I’m sure most people don’t. I know it was a hard thing to deal with when it happened to me (there were also many, many other complicating factors involved). The object of my affection was very smart and I enjoyed all of our conversations. He knew a little bit about everything under the sun. His vocabulary was extensive, off the charts. I learned new words in every conversation we shared. Long story short, when things got complicated, everything went south, quickly (similar to how it would in a theoretical zombie apocalypse). In the end, I had to pick up the pieces of my pride and in doing so, I learned what the word “lovelorn” means. In retrospect, he was right at the time; I was lovelorn, but hey, first loves are one of the toughest losses to shrug off.

FullSizeRender-3 Fast-forward 10 years and I’m married to a great guy, who says reading my posts give him insight into my thoughts. That’s cool. I’ve always said I’m a better writer than speaker. He even dropped a line in the comments section on one. (Thanks!) If you’re reading this post, thanks for giving me a strong dose of reality and a fresh breath of positivity when I really need it. Tu amor me hace bien. 🙂 I digress.

FullSizeRender-4 Anyway, when you love someone and you agree to be in a relationship, you have to give up something, essentially losing your total autonomy, your absolute freedom. From this perspective, love is once again a losing game, albeit a bittersweet losing game. I say bittersweet because it’s sweet that you’re in this amazing relationship with someone with whom you can unabashedly share all of your fears and aspirations. It’s bitter because you no longer have full autonomy. I don’t mean in the sense that your significant other won’t allow you to do certain things. That would be abusive. What I do mean is that you can’t just fuck off and do whatever you want. Someone else’s thoughts and feelings have to be taken into consideration. You can’t fully do everything you please on a whim because you lose that freedom to do so once you commit to someone. Honestly, it’s something I’m still learning to navigate. Just about everything I do, say, or even think has an indirect or direct effect on my husband.

Strangely (or maybe not), commitment makes me think of parents and children. I’m not a mother, but I imagine relationships are akin to parenting, where each individual is a co-parent and the relationship itself is the child. You have to nurture it and spend time with it in order for it to flourish and grow in a healthy fashion. You also have to be mindful about your actions and what you say so that it can grow to be the best that it can be. You have to be selfless, but not so selfless that you completely lose yourself. That’s not healthy either. It’s a balancing act.

Is love a losing game? Of course that’s subjective and contingent upon circumstances. However, love is definitely a game of reciprocity.

6 thoughts on “Is Love A Losing Game?

  1. Love blows; it can bring out the best and most heinous qualities in you. The problem with love is once you realize it’s bad, you’re usually in too deep and it’s hard to break away. It’s like you know you’re wasting your time while you’re in the situation and when finally break free, you’re mad at yourself for staying so long. My boyfriend and I recently broke up after 3 long years. This break up process has basically been going on for 6 months and I am drained, mad, sad, and everything in between. Basically he cheated (we had issues before this so the cheating did not help his cause), I found out about it, and he can’t understand why I just don’t give him a swat on his bottom and start over. I have explained he is a liar, I do not trust him, and don’t know if I’ll able to trust him ever again and I don’t want to be involved in a relationship like that. I still love him, unfortunately, but he has drained the life out of me and I constantly want to slap the shit out of him so I ended things. I still get every other day calls and texts wanting to work things out. EYEROLL. BYE!!! I know I’ll get better and move on but the present sucks. I’m still a romantic and waiting to meet my husband at the gas station or some other random place. I don’t know if love is permanently a loosing game but I hope not.

    ~Signed

    Another single lady in Atlanta. Home of the strip clubs and 1 billion single ladies…

    • Damn Krob.
      I’m sorry to hear that about your bf. Good riddance to him! You definitely deserve better than a liar and a cheat and it will take time to heal after 3 years, especially given the circumstances of the break up. Trust is everything. Keep hope alive. The world is too big with too many people to give up. Maybe your “prince charming” isn’t currently in Atlanta (mine wasn’t!), but he could be en route to Atl or, you could try the online method (I did!). Just don’t go to the suspect sites… you know which ones those are because people make memes about them.

      Lmao @ your closing! It’s all about perspective. Keep your chin up! 🙂

  2. This definitely shows your growth from experience. In many ways love is a losing game, but considering it’s something to be desired I personally look at it as a balancing act. You have to learn going into it that pain is an inevitable part of the equation in some fashion or another.

    I look at love like this… you giving 100% is still only 50% considering you embody half of the relationship. Bliss in love comes from both halves creating the whole.

    • Hi Davon!

      Totally agree with love as a balancing act. In a healthy relationship, the “pain” is the give part in that whole “give and take” equation. I love your “bliss in love comment.” When both parties are in sync, the relationship sings in blissful harmony.

      Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  3. Love like anything has its pros and cons. Cons can be as you’ve stated lose some of your independence in the since that you can’t just get out and do as you please, you have to be respectful towards your spouse. But the pros are you can build a life with someone, you can depend on this someone to have your back, share memories, laugh, play, and you’ll always have a partner in crime. The key is finding someone that you know you’re compatible with that can be long term with you. Which means that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince or princess. As far as it being a losing game… you may lose a little but you are supposed to gain much more in return.

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